Kendrick Sampson’s ‘wide love’ philosophy sparks debate over romance, parenting and the Black family

Sampson’s comments about “wide love,” parenting and the traditional nuclear family have drawn both criticism and support.

You can bet on a few things for sure: death, taxes, and that nearly any commentary on the Black family, nuclear or otherwise, will kick off a firestorm. Just ask Kendrick Sampson.

During a recent episode of Shan Boodram’s “LOVERS” podcast, the 38-year-old actor and activist revealed his thoughts on liberation, traditional romantic relationships, and why, while he definitely wants children, he’d rather have them with one of his “homegirls” than a romantic partner. 

“I have no goal for that for the end of my life,” he said of the traditional nuclear family with romance with one partner at the center.

“Romantic love is the smallest form,” he continued. “I think it’s the most narrow form. I think you have to understand how to love people on a much deeper level to understand how to care for them, how y’all care for each other, how you grow together and grow each other.”

He added, “All of that doesn’t require any intimacy, any romance.”

That doesn’t mean the “Insecure” alum believes he’s incapable of marriage, monogamy, or even raising children within that kind of relationship. In fact, he was actually pretty adamant that he could do all of the above if he chose to.

“I think it would take more effort than I’m willing to give. I really want to put that effort elsewhere,” he admitted.

He added, “I’m more in search of love than I am a relationship.”

The actor, who in 2018 co-founded the nonprofit BLD PWR to bring artists and organizers together around liberation and social justice, was talking about a concept he calls “wide love,” or loving beyond the confines of romance and traditional partnership. Since the episode dropped on Sept. 23, however, that philosophy has ignited a much wider conversation about romance, responsibility, parenting, and what the Black family can and should look like.

“May ‘wide love’ never find me,” someone wrote in the comments under the YouTube video.

There are, of course, some who heard all of that and think it sounds a little like a conscious f-boy with an impressive vocabulary. Even Sampson seemed aware of how his philosophy could land, acknowledging during the episode that he may sound like a “woke fuckboy.”

“Kendrick Sampson said the quiet part outloud. He wants all the benefits & bodily access to women but none of the responsibility,” @miss__kellsz said on Threads. 

“I’m really starting to believe some of y’all will agree with anything as long as it sounds counterculture and vaguely intellectual,” one user, @worldpremiere3 wrote on the same platform. “Ain’t no way Kendrick Sampson got on the internet and said having kids with a platonic homegirl would be less complicated and more focused on the child than having kids with someone you’re actually in love with, and some of y’all heard that and thought, ‘Wow, this makes so much sense.'”

Parts of the actor’s own story add another layer to what he’s saying. He spoke candidly about his parents’ divorce and how it changed the way love was expressed in his home. He recalled his mother becoming less interested in dating and love becoming more about function, provision, and making sure the people around you were good, sending him on his own intellectual quest to figure out what love actually meant. 

At the same time, others have taken issue with what’s absent from the equation he gathered from his quest. He shared very concisely what he wants, where he wants to put his energy, and what kinds of relationships he believes would work best for him, but considerably less about the humanity, needs, and desires of the woman who would potentially mother his children, which is challenging to move past, especially when one could argue that Black children in particular need to witness and grow up immersed in many of the very things Sampson is saying he doesn’t want to prioritize. He said “activism is love, and love is activism,” but it feels as though his concept lacks a little imagination; genuinely, activism could be raising a Black child in a household filled with healthy romance and expressions of love.

“Even in a pure coparent dynamic, Black children deserve to see romance, love, emotional availability, care, accountability. Aside from abolitionism, that is honestly the most Black liberatory thing you can do,” @JBoogie619 wrote in a post on Threads. 

Black women deserve romance, and Black mothers deserve romance. Of course, nothing Sampson said implied that they didn’t. He simply communicated very clearly that providing that kind of partnership is not something he’s willing to make a priority. It’s just that, we also know there is a Black maternal health crisis in which Black women are almost four times more likely to die during childbirth or from related causes than their white peers. Meanwhile, more than 300,000 Black women have been pushed out of the workforce, the pay gap for Black women has only widened, and all at a time when the majority of Black mothers are breadwinners for their families. 

Not everyone disagrees with him, of course. There are plenty of people applauding Sampson’s transparency, respecting the nuance of what he’s saying, and pointing out that many people already navigate relationships and parenthood this way without nearly this much self-awareness.

“I watched the full interview and I don’t think Kendrick Sampson was wrong,” a user at the handle @Toptiertams began in a post on Threads. 

“I think too many of us have not experienced kindness, care, and clear boundaries outside of romantic love, so we can’t fathom it happening in casual relationships,” she continued. “I appreciated the clarity on what he wanted while still prioritizing the health and care of his partners.”

We also know that families also come in a variety of makeups, which is part of their beauty, and this mindset certainly isn’t exclusive to men.

“One of my homegirls said she wanted to have children with her friends, but when Ken says it, they lookin at him crazy,” singer Durand Bernarr wrote in the comments of a post on Instagram.

Love, romance, and partnership can be complicated, messy, and demanding, but they can also, ironically, be deeply healing. Perhaps Sampson will know that kind of love if and when he sees it. Either way, if there’s one thing to be taken away from all this talk of “loving wide,” it’s that we’re all entitled to be loved in the ways we want and, perhaps more importantly, in the ways we truly deserve.