Cuffing season is coming & dating experts say it’s time to relearn how to connect

For lonely singles, the key to finding connection may be getting offline and practicing the skills of meeting people in real life.

The weather is slowly getting chillier, soon the leaves will start changing, and suddenly a cozy night in begins to sound more appealing than a night out. And along with cooler temperatures, fall often ushers in cuffing season, a time when single people start looking for someone to cuddle up with during the winter months, and the desire for romantic partnership appears to amplify. 

For many, that desire comes with a dose of loneliness. BLK’s data found that nearly 7 in 10 Black Gen Z singles feel lonely, and 4 in 10 feel lonely often or very often. It’s not that singles are unwilling to put themselves out there, but rather 6 in 10 people do not know where to go to meet people. 

The loneliness stems from a lack of meaningful connection, which, ironically, the digital platforms designed to keep people connected often make worse. With swipe fatigue growing among Gen Z singles, dating apps like BLK and platforms like DOTTIE are working to make it easier to meet people in real life and foster real connections.

“People are lonely because we are humans, and humans are meant to have relationships,” DOTTIE founder, matchmaker, and dating coach Arvia Few told theGrio. “People really do want to connect, and when they are in that space, it’s so beautiful to watch because you can just see the whole loneliness piece…the loneliness piece is big because when people do finally get into a room where everyone is single, they realize they’re not alone, and it really warms my heart to see the level of connection that happens organically.” 

Through DOTTIE, a community-focused platform, Few has curated spaces for Black singles in their 20s and 30s to make connections, whether they be platonic or romantic. And with 60% of singles saying they prefer meeting people in shared spaces, the dating app BLK launched “Events,” an in-app feature that allows users to see local events, reserve a spot, and ultimately find low-pressure ways to meet new people. 

“What our community keeps telling us is that they want to meet people in person; they just don’t always know where to go. Events answer that. It takes the pressure off and puts the focus on being in the room with people who understand you,” Corinne Harris, Director of Brand Marketing at Match Group, said of the new initiative. 

“Connection starts with community,” Amber Cooper, Sr. Manager of Brand Marketing at BLK added. 

And while putting yourself out there and attending various events is a step in the right direction, Few emphasized the importance of learning the skill of connection. 

“It really boils down to having enough experiences of connecting. And if you can connect with someone on a dating app, you can meet someone in person. But if you don’t have the skill of really knowing how to get to know someone, you’re not going to be able to form a connection, and that’s what I saw missing,” she told theGrio reflecting on the ethos of DOTTIE. “You’ve got to be in the places and spaces to meet people, and then have the skills to go up and say ‘hi, how are you,’ introduce yourself, feel comfortable, and really get to know people.”

“Learning how to be in a relationship and learning how to connect is a skill that can be learned,” she emphasized. “So everyone has the ability to create relationships, and everyone can learn this.” 

And like any skill, the more you practice, the more refined it becomes. When asked what tips she would give singles who may struggle to foster meaningful connections platonically and romantically, she offered these three tips: 

1. Make sure you’ve done the work on yourself so that you show up as your most authentic self. 

“Being authentic is attractive,” Few explains. “Being vulnerable is attractive. But in order to be vulnerable, you have to know yourself because you have to be comfortable and confident to let your guard down.”  

2. Sometimes the simple things can go a long way

Few notes that simple things like smiling, maintaining eye contact, and holding a gaze help create a more inviting environment for connections to blossom. 

3. Be curious 

“Learn how to ask questions,” she encouraged. “The most interesting person in the room is always the most curious person in the room.” 

“Those are the skills that you learn over time, and it takes practice. You learn how to let people relax. You learn how to help people put their guard down. When you show up vulnerable, you learn, you experience how that makes other people feel, and realize it’s safe. But those are practices, and if you’ve got to just put yourself out there and do it over and over again, and it just becomes second nature,” she concluded.