Let Your Fingers Do the Talking: 6 Proven Tips for Fingering

Your hands can be used a lot in the bedroom. However, fingering is an often-overlooked form of pleasure that can amp things up during sex. Mastering this art can significantly elevate pleasure for both partners. Here are some expert-backed tips to help you up your fingering game.

1. Start with communication and consent.

The most important step before any physical touch is clear, enthusiastic consent. Be sure your partner is OK with the experience. It is also a good idea to ask if they actually enjoy it. Everybody is different, so communication is key. Also, be sure to check in throughout the experience. Asking simple questions like “Does this feel good?” or “Do you want me to try something different?” can go a long way.

2. Clean your hands and your nails!

Clean hands are essential. Trim your nails, wash your hands thoroughly, and avoid sharp edges that could cause tears. If desired, use latex or nitrile gloves to add a layer of protection — especially for individuals prone to infections or if multiple partners are involved.

3. Use as much lubrication as you need. 

Natural lubrication is great, but adding a body-safe, water-based lubricant can enhance comfort and pleasure. Always choose a lubricant that’s free from harmful additives like glycerin or parabens, especially for vaginal or anal play.

“Lubricant is incredibly important and helpful when it comes to any type of arousal, but particularly fingering,” said Polly Rodriguez, CEO of sex toy company Unbound, in an interview with Them. “Lubricant helps decrease friction when using your hands for internal or external stimulation and can help prevent irritation or any unwanted soreness.”

4. Start slow and pay attention.

All bodies and everybody is different, so there’s no universal rhythm or pressure that works for everyone. “Fingers are nimble — you can get into crevices, like the sides of the clitoris and labia, and you can adjust pressure and speed really easily,” sex educator Luna Matatas told Men’s Health. Begin slowly with external stimulation. Use light, circular motions on areas like the clitoris, labia, or anus (if consensual), and observe how your partner responds.

5. Once things get going, try to go inside. 

Once your partner is relaxed and aroused, gentle internal fingering can come into play. For vaginal fingering, try inserting one or two fingers and curling them slightly toward the front wall to stimulate the G-spot. “Start with sliding one finger in slowly with the pad of your fingers rubbing along the front wall of the vagina towards the belly button,” Matatas advised.

But remember to check in, go slowly, and never rush the process. For anal fingering, go even slower, and always use extra lube.

6. Combining techniques can raise the stakes. 

Fingering doesn’t have to be an isolated act. Don’t be afraid to mix it up — pair fingering with kissing, some nipple action, dirty talk, anal play, or even toys that hit the clit or the booty just right.

Fingering can be an incredibly intimate and pleasurable act when done with respect, awareness, and mutual consent. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or exploring something new, following these expert-backed tips ensures a healthy and satisfying experience.

What are some of your favorite fingering techniques? Comment below!

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