Kehlani is healing childhood wounds while raising her daughter. These 5 books may help others, too

The singer reflects on growing up with incarcerated parents and how motherhood has shaped her process of healing old wounds.

Recently Kehlani appeared on “Live From the Hole,”  a new digital series from Emmy Award-winning filmmakers JJ’88 and Richie Reseda exploring the effects of incarceration and healing through open conversations with artists and incarcerated participants. The “Folded” singer joins the show as an executive producer and appears in its first episode, where she opens up about growing up with an incarcerated mother. 

“I do not actively process my parents. Both of my parents were incarcerated. My father joined a gang when he was in Centinela [prison] and then died because of it less than a year out. My mother was in and out of prison,” Kehlani said, sharing childhood photos of her visiting her mom in prison.  “We don’t have a relationship at all. I was raised by my aunt.”

She continued: “I’m an understanding person and I pride myself on being able to see people in that way. But the little hurt girl in me who’s had to come do visits and, you know, didn’t have her and then even when she got out, it’s been an addiction struggle. So, we don’t have a relationship as adults. And I’m a mother as well. And healing my little girl while raising a little girl has been such a [process].” 

From watching her mom be taken away to prison, to the death of her little brother, to watching her mom battle addiction and fail to take accountability, Kehlani recalls a number of instances where she had to parent her own mom.

“I saw my mom in everybody. I saw my mom in everyone. What I heard speaking to these women is that every decision that they made that was deemed wrong or that is wrong was made out of harm that was done to them. And that’s my mother’s whole entire life,” the Grammy-award-winning singer shared, reflecting on the conversation she had with the incarcerated women on the show. “But the perspective I got yesterday was my mom probably wanted to raise me. She was just dealt a really crazy hand. And now maybe this is putting me on this timeline of healing that I’ve never been able to have.”

Regardless of whether or not your mother was incarcerated like Kehlani’s, the practice of healing from a strained mother-daughter relationship is one that anyone can relate to. So, if you’re in a season of healing or looking to heal the wounds from a complicated mother-daughter relationship, here are 5 books to add to your personal library. 

Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou 

In her final memoir, Angelou explores the complicated relationship she had with her mother Vivian Baxter. Covering her childhood abandonment, their eventual reunion, and the deep, enduring reconciliation they shared as adults, “Mom & Me & Mom” shares the intimate, emotional story between Angelou and her mother. 

No Small Thing by Orlaine McDonald

When Livia left her husband and her daughter Mickey, she never imagined Mickey would find her years later, with a daughter of her own. Now three generations of women find themselves under the sam roof sharing the trauma, guilt and abandonment that haunts their pasts threatens to destroy their futures, too. 

Grown Women by Sarai Johnson 

Four generations of Black women contend with motherhood and daughterhood, generational trauma and the deeply ingrained tensions and wounds that divide them. Evelyn’s academic ambition leaves her daughter Charlotte feeling only coldness and resentment, and that hurt passes down the line. When Charlotte’s daughter Corinna has a daughter of her own, the three mothers decide to work together to raise her with the tenderness and empathy they missed, but they cannot agree on what that means. 

The Black Girl’s Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds by Nijiama Smalls

This self-help guide speaks directly to readers who, in its own words, feel that “growing up, I didn’t feel loved by my mother.” Smalls shares her personal journey of uncovering the origin of Black girl trauma while also addressing the ongoing process of healing, on a mission to heal the Black girl inside who is still hurting. 

Letters to My Daughter by Maya Angelou

Despite never having a daughter of her own, Angelou offers the motherly guidance that some readers never received in “Letter to My Daughter.” This collection of short essays draws on her own life, including lessons from her mother and grandmother, to offer wisdom on resilience, self-respect, and forgiveness.