What Is a Lesbian Bottom? Understanding a Less Popular Term Used in Woman-on-Woman Sex

While gay-male terminology has been engulfed in everything from mass media to modern-day music, unfortunately, we can’t say the same for women under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Because of this, many (on and off the spectrum) are left uninformed about rainbow slang beyond the rising wlw (women love women) hashtag that has flooded the TikTok algorithm. So…. what is a lesbian bottom? Let’s unpack it here.

According to an interview with Pride.com, AASECT-certified sex therapist Emily Lambert Robins told the news platform, “When sapphics or lesbians talk about being a ‘bottom,’ they’re typically referring to a partner who enjoys receiving touch, sensation, or stimulation during sex — whether that’s physical or emotional.” She added, “It’s less about a rigid role and more about a preference for surrender, receptivity, and being attuned to what feels good when letting someone else take the lead.”

Robins continued: “For some, that can look like being on the receiving end of oral sex, strap play, or sensual touch. For others, it might be more about an emotional dynamic rooted in trust, vulnerability, and responsiveness.”

Although most automatically associate the word “bottom” with literal submission in the bedroom, Robins explained, “While physical positions may play a role, being a bottom often speaks to a certain energetic position: one of openness, willingness, and connection. Some bottoms love being guided or ‘done to,’ while others express strong preferences and communicate boundaries clearly. It’s a dance of power, trust, and pleasure that can look different depending on the relationship, mood, or moment.”

Given the information, we can conclude that bottoming as a lesbian relies on feeling over the appearance of the experience, but… where did the phrase actually come from?

What is a Lesbian Bottom & How Did It Come About in Queer Culture?

The usage of “bottom” among sexual minorities has long been seen in trending memes and pornography titles, serving as a communal way to describe a man who prefers for their partner to be in control (referred to as a “top”) in the sheets. Along with it often comes “switch” (also known as versatile), which is someone who toggles between passive and aggressive roles in the bedroom.

These terms were frequently used in male-on-male homosexuality to determine intimate performance styles, noting if the person acted as the giver or the receiver during the activity. For intercourse, it mainly outlined who would initiate penetration for those engaging in anal sex.

Per Encyclopedia.com, “top” and “bottom” rose to prominence in the 1950s/60s as a part of the gay leather and BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) communities. Both sectors merged masculine fashion (typically biker-like) with kink liberation and unapologetic fetishism for erotic expression. As the concept evolved, lesbians (seemingly) adopted the language, but it wasn’t (and still isn’t) as widely utilized in woman-on-woman dynamics.

Surprisingly, few lesbians even consider it during interaction. A user in a Quora forum expressed, “Both. Or neither. Most of the time, there is no top and no bottom in relationships between women.”

Another person commented when speaking on the controversial roles, “I asked my daughter who is lesbian and married on this. She said you could feasibly think of a partner as such if she used a strap-on and had no desire for that same reciprocation. It all apparently rests with individual preferences, but they don’t usually think of their relationship in those terms.”

It appears that lesbian bottoms grew in popularity with conversations surrounding the verbiage “pillow princess,” a type of bottom that only wishes to be pleasured (regardless of whether the individual is a stud or femme).

In a personal essay for Curve Mag, writer Rachel Stevenson, who identifies as bisexual, wrote, “As a bisexual, very feminine woman, my sexuality has always been fluid. I give, I receive, I take, and I’ve even been known to share. Sometimes I’m the pursuer and sometimes the pursuee.”

It goes without saying that–regardless of one’s sexual preference or position–we all desire some level of stimulation. And, yes, be it at the hands of someone else in charge… or our own. The only apparent difference with lesbian bottoms is how they choose to convey their deepest needs to their mate–whether it’s through mental connection or verbal direction.

Communicating with your mate to help them understand how they can participate in your road to climax will set the tone for each party’s ultimate satisfaction.

Know anyone who may be wondering… what is a lesbian bottom? Let us know your thoughts, and send this article to two friends!

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