$200 date or a unique experience? Black women prefer effort over high incomes when dating according to new survey

 Hinge’s love and connection expert Moe Ari Brown discusses what “effort” means in the 2025 dating scene for Black women. 

It’s cuffing season—the time of year when temperatures drop, the nights get a little longer, and the timelines heat up because everyone has an opinion about romance. Who should initiate? How much should a “worthy” date cost? And who’s picking up the check? Lost in all the chatter is what Black women are actually asking for: effort over income.

According to new data from Hinge, 67% of Black women prefer effort over income in a partner, 50% enjoy trying new activities together, and 84% value well-planned dates over expensive ones. Only 8% find sharing an expensive dinner important. 

“What we learned from Black women daters on Hinge is that they’re looking for effort more than they’re looking for a partner to provide a life for them or to have a higher income than them,” Moe Ari Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist and Hinge’s Love and Connection expert, told theGrio.

For years, social media has turned dating into a running debate over financial flexing. But Brown said for those who date Black women, what’s missing is nuance.

“[Black women] are like ‘Hey, can you plan a date that’s meaningful, that shows me that you listen to me and you learned my favorite things?’ Can you create an experience that cultivates shared joy and ease so I don’t have to perform?’” the love and connection expert said.

Those numbers — and the insights behind them — are part of Hinge’s ongoing effort to better understand how daters, particularly Black women and those who date them, are defining connection in 2025. Brown, who has spent the past decade helping individuals, couples, and families navigate love, said his mission is all about authenticity and belonging.

The growing desire for deeper connection isn’t random; it’s a generational phenomenon. Many Black millennials grew up watching love that looked like possibility. From 90s R&B slow jams, to the rise of bestsellers like “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and films like “Love Jones,” to the era of “The Wood,” ”The Best Man,” and “Brown Sugar,” Black romance was everywhere — tender, sultry, and aspirational. 

We had sitcoms like “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” “Sister Sister,” and “Moesha” that showcased Black teens and young adults navigating the world of dating. Our imagination for love was set wide. It’s no surprise that, as adults, we crave relationships that feel just as emotionally rich and real. Brown sees that influence, too.

“I cannot help but think that black Millennials were influenced by 90s R&B,” the therapist said with a laugh. “We got the dream, but we didn’t necessarily get a blueprint for how to create it.”

He added that the same desire for emotional connection shows up across the board, even outside heterosexual norms.

“If you’re hearing from Black women, Black women want effort, then you’re seeing in relationships where there are two black women, the effort is like a really beautiful 90s R&B video,” Brown teased. “Literally, I can almost guess who someone’s dating by, like the way in which they’re being celebrated.”

Still, don’t get it twisted. Black women of all creeds haven’t completely abandoned financial standards in the wind. According to Hinge’s data, 80% still value financial stability.

“Financial stability is important,” Brown noted. “I don’t want to say Black women are saying they don’t care. They do care about financial stability. That’s still important for 80% of Black women. But it’s important that anybody dating a Black woman in this day and age really understands that on top of financial stability, what Black women are asking for is emotional availability and an effort in a real, tangible, and meaningful way.”

To Brown, it all circles back to joy and the freedom to love without performance. The love and relationships expert gave the example of an unconventional date where the couple does something together, like a home improvement project or cooks a meal. 

“The idea is shared joy, shared creativity, and these moments really allow us to take our masks off,” Brown said. “I think these moments are so rare for Black people, where we just don’t have to perform… And so I think that’s why Black women are saying, ‘Hey, like, let’s do activities. Like, we just want to frolic. We’re in our frolic era.’”

For Brown, love in 2025 should be about freedom, softness, and effort that feels as intentional as it is mutual.

“Black women deserve love, deserve softness, deserve to feel liberated in their dating experiences,” Brown said.